My take on the Pickup Artist community – Treating a lady right

treating a lady rightIf you are not familiar with the pickup artists community or the PUA in short then let me clue you in.

The PUA community’s sole focus is to teach men how to learn the game so they can charm women into their bedroom or land a girlfriend.

They have so many techniques ranging from cheesy pickup lines to negging, keeping frame, treating a woman badly to destroy her ego, and what not.

Becoming a pickup artist requires skill and practice. You have to become an alpha male: a male that women desire. Ironically, the MGTOW and PUA community refer to that archetypal guy as “Chad”.

Often times you have to fake it until you make it: pretend to be someone other than your true self. They argue that your actual personality may not be the right personality to get you the girlfriend of your dreams.

The endgame of those PUAs is to find women, date them or pump-and-dump them (using their parlance).

Like some of the shallow women who seek validation from men, those PUAs also seek validation from women. Their self-worth comes from the amount of girls they scored (or “bedded” as they say).

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When I was younger, I wanted to have a girlfriend like most “normal” people. At first, I was myself: a shy person with nothing to show for but my polite personality, skills at computers and my love for learning new stuff. I was into spirituality and metaphysics as well. I did not have experience with girls and it seems that this was a big problem: it is easier to have a girlfriend when you are in a relationship than when you are single. Other women see you more valuable if you have a girlfriend. If you are single, they think that you must have a problem. Tell me about it! What a weird dynamic: so twisted that I don’t want to rant about it.

Experience showed me that being natural and my true self is not enough. You are either lucky to find someone that likes you as you are, or you will feel inadequate and start searching for “tips and tricks” to help you attract girls.

As a young and a naive 22 old guy I was and because being myself was not working, I was ready to pretend and change my core values just to get a girlfriend. I learned some pickup artist tricks by reading “The Game” book and then watching various PUA related DVDs and training material. The more PUA material I read, the more it felt like I am studying for a degree or something. It all felt unnatural. Eventually, I gave up my interest in the game and PUA because it was too much efforts and it fell against my principles: being natural and authentic, which should lead to natural and mutual attraction.

I no longer cared to change my personality to fit what society and the media brainwashed women to think as an attractive and desirable male partner is. Following a protocol or a game in order to achieve something simple like meeting women never made sense to me.

Fast forward 14 years and having lived three seventh of my life, I learned a lot along the way. I now have more solid principles and core values when it comes to dating or interacting with human beings, especially the opposite sex. I am glad that I came to peace with myself and accepted myself for who I am even though I could not get a girlfriend over the years.

After I left Lebanon and moved to the West, I had so many opportunities to have one night stands with girls but it never felt right. Those girls were so much used to give sex so easily disregarding the emotional connection or feeling they have towards their ephemeral partners. The Western girls, at least the ones I ran into, fail to understand that there are still men that are not interested in sex just for the sake of getting pleasure. When I explain to those girls that I am looking for the full package: a wholesome relationship based on love and respect, they looked at me dazzled thinking that I am gay or something. It became evident to me that rejecting sexual advances from women (who you barely have a relationship with) is an insult to their egos and because they are hurt and insecure they reflect back these insecurities and call you names.

I remember many times after inviting a date to dinner, treating her with respect and showing interest in her character she dumps me because I did not offer to go to her place or to take her to mine. You can call me old fashioned, but nothing comes for free on earth and for every action there’s a reaction: what comes fast goes fast. I truly believe that a woman who sleeps around for fun, takes the pill (just to be ready all the time, etc.) will lose her ability to feel right, to commit and bond with a partner for life. At the end of the day why do we have this biological imperative that compels straight men and women to meet each other than that of making a family and contributing back to society? We are still animals after all, and like other mammals, we have this natural urge to procreate. The difference is that we cannot just toy with sex and other human beings because irresponsible pregnancies can lead to the demise of society: bastards, homeless, broken children, murderers, etc. Each relationship should be responsible.

The problem is not always about the women though, it is also about the horny men that think of nothing else but fucking around with no disregard. Everything is sexualized in these days and age. Just turn your TV on or go watch a blockbuster movie. Day and night most of the programming we receive is very degenerate. Now even if I go and search for a lady from the Middle East, from my own background, it is no different: it seems that bad norms are viral. I have friend from India who told me that the relationships dynamics between men and women are no longer the same in his country as well. Sexual liberation destroyed all the respect and holiness of a relationship.

In the end, I no longer believe there is such thing as “treating a lady right“. There is something as “treating others right“. A lady or a gentleman, it makes no difference: be a good citizen and human beings and you will attract those who share your values.

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