Joke: Jesus saves

I share with you an joke I read back in 2000, it is funny and I always find myself making this joke when talking about Jesus.

I hope you like it!

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?” God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

9 Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

Today I received these funny words of wisdom through a chain email. They are funny and insightful, enjoy!

wisdomNumber 9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8 – Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 – Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 – In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 – Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

And, as someone recently said to me: Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.

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