Funny male sexuality quotes from a shirt I found

  • God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
  • Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.
  • What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  • A verbal outburst during the male orgasm is called “sperm wail”
  • It’s not how deep you fish, it’s how you wiggle your worm.
  • Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
  • Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it’s too long.

 


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9 Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

Today I received these funny words of wisdom through a chain email. They are funny and insightful, enjoy!

wisdomNumber 9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8 – Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 – Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 – In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 – Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

And, as someone recently said to me: Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.

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I Think I Could Turn And Live With Animals… – By Walt Whitman

I think I could turn and live with animals,
they are so placid and self-contain’d,
I stand and look at them long and long.

They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.

So they show their relations to me and I accept them,
They bring me tokens of myself, they evince them plainly in their possession.

I wonder where they get those tokens,
Did I pass that way huge times ago and negligently drop them?

Myself moving forward then and now and forever,
Gathering and showing more always and with velocity,
Infinite and omnigenous, and the like of these among them,
Not too exclusive toward the reachers of my remembrancers,
Picking out here one that I love, and now go with him on brotherly terms.

A gigantic beauty of a stallion, fresh and responsive to my caresses,
Head high in the forehead, wide between the ears,
Limbs glossy and supple, tail dusting the ground,
Eyes full of sparkling wickedness, ears finely cut, flexibly moving.

His nostrils dilate as my heels embrace him,
His well-built limbs tremble with pleasure as we race around and return.

I but use you a minute, then I resign you, stallion,
Why do I need your paces when I myself out-gallop them?
Even as I stand or sit passing faster than you.

By Walt Whitman from Song of Myself