Only a month ago I relaxed my “no to smoking” attitude; From a complete no, fear of addiction, fear of health loss, and other pre-programmed unconscious fears, I decided to give it a shot.
By writing this experience, I am also thinking and asking myself: “I am reinforcing this new practice?”
If I speak about this experience in a good way, will my subconscious mind and my body start craving for more nicotine?
Where I work, lots of employees take breaks and go for a cigarette, so one day I said “what the heck, let me experience what they experience and see how would I look at this matter after I have had my own taste of it”
I’ve smoked so far around a pack during the past month and today I smoked two cigarettes, so how does it feel?
I can say it is something different, for me it gave me a feeling of rush, enthusiasm, a sort of mental push and increased confidence.
It also made me feel hyper and at the same time relaxed, impulsive and at the same time reserved, guilty and a little bit daring.
I wonder and ask myself: “Will I get hooked to it?”, “Will there be a next time when I will crave for a cigarette when I see others smoking?”
The thing is that now I am not buying my own pack, thus decreasing the possibility of reaching a cigarette when a small craving occurs.
I am still uneducated regarding the science and the how/why of nicotine, but nonetheless my research has started.
One thing for sure has changed in me and that is before smoking I used to look at smokers and say to myself and sometimes say out loud: “Hey smoking is not good”, or “…those poor addicts…” and what now has changed is simply that my mind has learned to mind its own business (pun intended).
It is easy to look and judge others but it is not easy to put ourselves in the shoes of others and feel as they feel and realize the craving they have.
Whether I smoke yet another pack or not, I think I will be writing more about nicotine and cigarette experience.
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