My very first cigarettes

Only a month ago I relaxed my “no to smoking” attitude; From a complete no, fear of addiction, fear of health loss, and other pre-programmed unconscious fears, I decided to give it a shot.

By writing this experience, I am also thinking and asking myself: “I am reinforcing this new practice?”
If I speak about this experience in a good way, will my subconscious mind and my body start craving for more nicotine?

Where I work, lots of employees take breaks and go for a cigarette, so one day I said “what the heck, let me experience what they experience and see how would I look at this matter after I have had my own taste of it”

I’ve smoked so far around a pack during the past month and today I smoked two cigarettes, so how does it feel?

I can say it is something different, for me it gave me a feeling of rush, enthusiasm, a sort of mental push and increased confidence.
It also made me feel hyper and at the same time relaxed, impulsive and at the same time reserved, guilty and a little bit daring.

I wonder and ask myself: “Will I get hooked to it?”, “Will there be a next time when I will crave for a cigarette when I see others smoking?”

The thing is that now I am not buying my own pack, thus decreasing the possibility of reaching a cigarette when a small craving occurs.

I am still uneducated regarding the science and the how/why of nicotine, but nonetheless my research has started.

One thing for sure has changed in me and that is before smoking I used to look at smokers and say to myself and sometimes say out loud: “Hey smoking is not good”, or “…those poor addicts…” and what now has changed is simply that my mind has learned to mind its own business (pun intended).

It is easy to look and judge others but it is not easy to put ourselves in the shoes of others and feel as they feel and realize the craving they have.

Whether I smoke yet another pack or not, I think I will be writing more about nicotine and cigarette experience.



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2 thoughts on “My very first cigarettes

  1. Hi Elias,

    A couple of months ago, I had a similar experience; I wanted to see what the fuss is all about, so I tried smoking on many occasions, but my results were different than yours.

    First, I didn’t think that “smoking is bad” or any of the health related stuff… it’s just that I can’t stand the smell of the stuff.

    I tried it, but it didn’t mean a thing for me. None of that rush that you talk about, though I expected it, but it didn’t come.

    Maybe if I smoke a lot and make my body used to nicotine, then I would start feeling the need and craving? who knows, but for me, it’s not worth the shot. It just feels like I’m trying hard to create that craving in order to start having the craving? Smoking leaves a nasty aftertaste in the mouth, and one hell of a smell on your fingers. And besides, that smell is a major turnoff for me; have you tried kissing a girl after she smoke a cigarette? BIG no no!!

    I’m relatively neutral to people smoking around me, but if someone just needs a ciggy partner, I’d oblige, but I wouldn’t say that it has any effect that I’d like to have again and again..


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