The subject of this article should be: “Saying the right things”, but it wouldn’t have be as a catchy title, no? Well now read on:
Have you ever stood in front of a system where you are asked to enter a password, and if you don’t guess then the system blows up or alarms would set off and you will be torn into pieces by guard dogs?
Of course not, you see that only in movies. Maybe you haven’t been literally into such situations, you’ve experienced something similar, so let me illustrate by an example.
Whether you know it or not, almost daily you are in “Saying the right things” situation.
Be that with your boss: you want to make sure you’re polite and saying the good things about him.
Or be that with your friend, even girlfriend or boyfriend, where you must to some extent always think and formulate what you’re saying to-the-word, or else some neural connections will change in the recipient’s brain and you will start to experience totally new behaviour from their part.
I am not saying to let the words flow out as you breath in and out without auditing them, however why the constant fear of being misunderstood, or even worse, correctly understood but then sentenced to death afterwards?
Have you noticed how sometimes people, no matter how close they are to each other, are just waiting each other to do just one mistake?
All it takes is just one “bad” word and then everything is changed after that.
But why? Why do we wait each other around the corner?
I can think of many reasons, but one main reason is much evident: because we are not in accordance with ourselves.
Say for instance that you tell someone close to you (I won’t ask you to do this to a stranger):
“Hey you’re ugly” or “That dress is aweful” or “I hate your nails” in a serious tone then no matter how much know that person, you won’t be treated the same by that person afterwards, not to mention the instant reaction!
Why? Because that person is already repeating his own mantra in his/her head: “Oh, I am looking okay today, am I beautiful? No I am not, I am ugly” and just in the right moment you ignited his/her internal conflict, and now you have became the sole reason for his/her misery.
Let me share that story with you:
The other day, it came to me to that I should “destroy” a friend I was chatting with.
No, not just another karate trick or stuffing a bomb in her mouth or something…but instead just uttering certain negative words that might trigger the defensive and reactive part of her. And guess what? At first, she wasn’t even caring (that was her protective system rejecting all the words), then little by little, words started touching her and she really became aware of all her protective aspects. I asked her to focus on what part the protection is, and she said that her mind is trying to defend itself and preserve certain ideas and false believes, then I stressed her not to protect herself, and slowly she started to really feel sad and in contact with her worst fears. After an hour long session, I was afraid that I might lose my friendship with that girl, but she turned to be strong and she even now love me more and became more open to me, she told me that she feels unshakable and more in contact with her trueself.
As they say: “Reading things is not like experiencing them”, one day will come and whatever you are defending will collapse and you will taste the freedom from fear.
It is worth mentioning that Lord Shiva from Hindu mysticism is known for his destructive properties, that is, he destroys all the limis within a person, if you’re curious you know what to do.