Relationships never die a natural death, instead, they are always murdered by: Attitude, Behavior, Ego, Hidden Benefits and Ignorance.
From my own experience, let me elaborate a little on each of the “murderers” below.
Attitude
Attitude is a big factor. One big aspect is being disrespectful and taking friends for granted. To me, friendship has to be kept alive by constant care and mutual respect.
If you call your friend and could not catch him or her at the time of the call, you should at least expect a call back at a later time. Many friends just ignore phone calls in the pretense of being “very busy”. I dropped many of those “friends” that are always too busy to take a phone call or return it.
Behaviour
As a normal and conscious human being, the least you can do to keep that noble title is to behave in a civil and respectful manner. I have seen people who claim to be friends yet, the disrespectful behavior between them is so apparent.
One cannot part friendship with the disrespectful party because of fear. As humans, we are social creatures and often times we accept bad and abusive behavior in return for companionship and “friendship”.
True integrity comes from letting go of all friends who misbehave.
Ego
Oh boy! I had many experiences with egoistic characters. Because I work with “super stars” (computer hackers and elite programmers), the ego of those individuals is very visibly inflated. You cannot carry a conversation with those hackers without being slammed with various egoistic and self aggrandizing blurts.
As straightforward as I am, I once told a colleague that his is too egoistical. Of course, that person took my statement bitterly and started ignoring me altogether. Good riddance, I love being among humble friends.
Hidden benefits
This is the worst of them all. The sad realization when you learn that your “friends” are not real friends: they just keep you around to benefit from you. For instance, when a girl keeps guy friends around (beta orbiters) giving them false hopes that one day she will give them a chance for romance. Another example is guy friends who want to learn from you and keep you around only for their sole benefits.
I had friends that only call me on occasions to ask me computer programming questions. I have other friends who call me just to repair their computers. They are always absent but when they need something they suddenly come out of the woodwork.
When I was young, that’s how I made “friends”. My self-worth was based on how much useful I am to others. I was eager to please and keep “friends” that way. As I grew older, my self-confidence also grew. I no longer tolerate selfish friends who only contact me for such selfish reasons and not because they really miss my character.
Bottom line, what can we do if that’s the state of the world, where most people are selfish and have hidden motives behind every friendship?
Do we drop all friendships on a whim? How patient should we be? Do people change and should we give them another chance?
My take on that is an article by itself for another time. Stay tuned.
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