Category: Life

What If

Today I was in a bad mood and just for one time I decided to embrace that feeling and not escape from it.

I realize that this bad mood springs from inner thoughts, inner expectations, inner fears, waiting for things, hoping, dreaming and fearing of the future.

I came to ask myself:

– What those who love me stop loving me for a reason?
– What if all what I got is lost and I am with nothing?
– What if what you’re waiting and counting the days for will never happen?
– What if you wake up one day and you are bankrupt?
– What if you lose your beloved ones?
– What if you become homeless and have to beg and sleep on the streets?
– What if you are doomed to stay alone for the rest of your life?
– What if the world is against you and you feel guilty and yet you will never get your justice?

Can you for a moment take each question, sending it deep to yourself and wait for a response?

What do you feel?

Is it fear? Is it sadness? What is your soul trying to tell you in response to all those questions?

For just one moment, don’t try to analyze, explain or make sense, instead just observe and be a good listener and see what your soul wants.

I was sitting the other day, next to work, exposing myself to the sun, after spending most of the time in the office, then
I happened to look around and the first thing that came to my sight was a small white pigeon.

I was not in the mood that day, and I reacted saying: “what a stupid creature it is…”

After saying that, I felt guilty as if I did something terribly wrong, but all of the sudden I felt as if something has awakened inside of me. It was a gentle voice telling me to stop these negative thoughts.
At that moment, more sadness filled my heart, making me realize that I was not fair with that pigeon. And with a sudden movement, as if the
pigeon felt that I was sorry, it flew away accepting my sorrows, only to lead my eyes to another saddening sight: a blind beggar waiting for a kind person who would give him some food or money. Continue reading “The white pigeon”

I was watching “Dune” movie the other day, and the hero (Paul) was put to a pain test, and in order to take all that pain he recited this wonderful pain “mantra”:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I was surprised to find something about this quote as well on Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litany_against_fear

Only a month ago I relaxed my “no to smoking” attitude; From a complete no, fear of addiction, fear of health loss, and other pre-programmed unconscious fears, I decided to give it a shot.

By writing this experience, I am also thinking and asking myself: “I am reinforcing this new practice?”
If I speak about this experience in a good way, will my subconscious mind and my body start craving for more nicotine?

Where I work, lots of employees take breaks and go for a cigarette, so one day I said “what the heck, let me experience what they experience and see how would I look at this matter after I have had my own taste of it”

I’ve smoked so far around a pack during the past month and today I smoked two cigarettes, so how does it feel?

I can say it is something different, for me it gave me a feeling of rush, enthusiasm, a sort of mental push and increased confidence.
It also made me feel hyper and at the same time relaxed, impulsive and at the same time reserved, guilty and a little bit daring.

I wonder and ask myself: “Will I get hooked to it?”, “Will there be a next time when I will crave for a cigarette when I see others smoking?”

The thing is that now I am not buying my own pack, thus decreasing the possibility of reaching a cigarette when a small craving occurs.

I am still uneducated regarding the science and the how/why of nicotine, but nonetheless my research has started.

One thing for sure has changed in me and that is before smoking I used to look at smokers and say to myself and sometimes say out loud: “Hey smoking is not good”, or “…those poor addicts…” and what now has changed is simply that my mind has learned to mind its own business (pun intended).

It is easy to look and judge others but it is not easy to put ourselves in the shoes of others and feel as they feel and realize the craving they have.

Whether I smoke yet another pack or not, I think I will be writing more about nicotine and cigarette experience.

Elias

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Other posts you may like:

• Me, myself and smoking cigarettes – A little story

Last week I received a used 2 channel EEG biofeedback (Pocket A1) device from Pocket Neurobics / Minder Labs company.

So what is EEG biofeedback (BFB) and why do we need such things?

For me, having learned about meditation techniques, hypnosis, relaxation techniques and all other related stuff, I realized that there is one thing in common: “The ability to rest the mind and to have its waves go down to what we call Alpha frequency”.
Alpha (8-12hz) frequency is not a goal by itself, however it appears whenever we are in a certain mind state, call it trance if you may.

While awake, we spend our time in what we call Beta brain waves frequency, basically above 12hz. Beta is usually associated with physical and mental alertness, and if frequencies are much higher than 12hz we may become anxious, angry and agitated.

So why an EEG device anyway?

I am the type of persons that likes to see the results of their actions, so when my meditation teacher told me to sit and meditate for 15 minutes twice a day and to detach myself from all outcomes and expectations, I become more curious and more attached to the outcomes and to what is a possible experience after meditation. A simple question that kept occuring was: “Was I really meditating? Did I just waste 15 minutes in vain?”

I was never consistent in my meditation, I get excited one day and practice it and then keep it aside for a week or even a month…and it went on and off like that for like 3 years.

I figured that since meditative state is characterized by Alpha brainwaves frequencies, so why not get my brain hooked to a measurement device and then sit for meditation and see whether I have performed well or not!?
That’s exactly the role of what we call biofeedback training: the ability to tell where we are and to train ourselves to reach that state with practice and will.

So for those who are curious, goal oriented, impatient, then an EEG BFB device is a good thing to play and experiment with.
I tell you such devices are not very practical yet (need to place electrodes, conductive gels, …) operating wise and cost wise. To get a decent personal EEG device you need to put at least 500$.

If I got you curious, then look up on the net for keywords like “EEG, Biofeedback, alpha training, ….”

Good luck,
Elias

The first time, when I was like 17 years old, I found a program called Eliza (or virtual girlfriend), don’t recall well, a chatting bot. I was a newbie programmer back then, thus this program really impressed me because it was able to understand more than basic questions and it could retain memory and recite what it newly learned.

Today while writing a small introductory article about Expert Systems, I stumbled upon A.L.I.C.E website (http://www.alicebot.org/) which hosts a set of projects aimed at emulating the human brain and how humans communicate and process natural language. To get a feel of this, try to chat with one of the bots:

http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1

Also checkout the image gallery: http://www.alicebot.org/documentation/gallery/ which shows the graph of the bot’s memory and knowledge-base.

I think one day, machines will evolve more and be able to process natural language as easily as human does, it is a matter of time.