Category: Cool Friday

Posted on

Jokes for the month of June, 2017

No wonder…

A policeman stops a reckless and speeding young driver. The policeman tells the driver: “Do you know that you were driving beyond the speed limit?”

The young, with a smile on his face, replies: “No wonder, this is the first time I drive”

I will be right back

The wife to the husband: “I will go to my neighbor and grab some salt, keep an eye on the food while I am gone. I will be back soon, it will be just 5 minutes at most”

The husband: “How should I keep an eye on the food? What should I do?”
The wife: “It is not much, really! Just stir the pot every half an hour”

The Three Musketeers

Two friends were chatting.
The first one said: “My wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to a triplet. Can you imagine that?!”

His friend replied back in amazement: “God forbids! I actually left my wife when she started reading Ali Baba and the 40 thieves”

True to her word

Man: My wife is one of the few women who stick to their words
The other man: How come?
Man: We have been married since 50 years already and every time I ask her how old is she, she answers 30 years old.

The inventor

The friend: “So tell me, what is the profession of the new tenant you have living in your apartment?”
The landlord: “Oh, an inventor”
The friend: “Really?! What does he invent?”
The landlord: “He keeps inventing excuses so he does not pay the rent!”
You might also like:
Posted on

Are you a fan of The Reverse-Flash character? I am!

Ever since I watched “The Flash” series on Netflix, I fell in love with the Reverse-Flash character. Why not love the regular The Flash character you ask?

Well because, unlike The Flash who got his powers by accident, the Reverse-Flash used knowledge to acquire his powers and go back in time. Another simpler answer: I just love the yellow on red color! 🙂

I bought the Reverse-Flash T-shirt from Amazon. It looks good and has very good quality:

I also got the action figure:

You might also like:

Posted on

How many faces you see?

One of my readers (thank you very much) left a comment saying that the people in this picture represent the faces of Indian freedom fighter and politicians:

  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Rabindranath Tagore
  • Bala Gangadhara Tilak
  • Bhagat Singh
  • Jawahara Lal Nehru
  • Lal Bhadur Shastri
  • Subhash Chandra Bose
  • Indira Gandhi
  • Rajiv Gandhi

You might also like:

Posted on

The corporate cow or the different kind of companies

Source: NewstalkZB

 

Traditional corporation

  • You have two cows
  • You sell one and buy a bull
  • Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows
  • You sell them and retire on the income

A Swiss corporation

  • You have 5000
  • None of them belong to you
  • You charge the owners for storing them

A French corporation

  • You have two cows
  • You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads because you want three cows

A Chinese corporation

  • You have two cows
  • You have 300 people milking them
  • You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity
  • You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation

A British corporation

  • You have two cows
  • Both are mad

An Indian corporation

  • You have two cows
  • You worship them

An Iraqi corporation

  • Everyone thinks you have lots of cows
  • You tell them that you have none
  • Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country
  • You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy

An Australian corporation

  • You have two cows
  • Business seems pretty good
  • You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

An Irish corporation

  • You have two cows
  • One of them is a horse

An American corporation

  • You have two cows
  • You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows
  • Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has died

An Italian corporation

  • You have two cows but you do not know where they are
  • You decide to have lunch

A greek corporation

  • You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks
  • You eat both of them
  • The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF
  • The IMF loans you two cows
  • You eat both of them
  • The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk
  • You are out getting a haircut

Communism

  • You have two cows
  • The State takes both and gives you some milk

Socialism

  • You have two cows
  • You give one to your neighbor

Fascism

  • You have two cows
  • The State takes both and sells you some milk

Bureaucratism

  • You have two cows
  • The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other then throws the milk away

Venture capitalism

  • You have two cows
  • You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all for cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows
  • The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company
  • The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more

You might also like:

Posted on

Yes, women can be really hard to understand!

It is no secret that woman are hard to understand sometimes because they are affected by their hormones, mood swings, upbringing, the society and political correctness.

If you are, like many other men, confused and not sure what to make when you hear a woman complaining then here’s a short glossary of words and what they really mean:

  • Creepy: anything an unattractive man does (eye contact, conversation, smile, flirt etc.)
  • Loneliness: not being approached by a tall robust, good-looking stud. The rest doesn’t count
  • Celibacy: spending more than 5 days without sex
  • Personality: a tall, robust, good-looking stud. One of deceiving means women use for non handsome men
  • Dream: share the top 5% of elite men, the rest can fuck each other
  • Equality: being superior to men, special rights and privileges to women
  • Rejection: having less than 5 dating options and not being invited to events more often
  • Fear: looks fading and losing the competition to younger, hotter female rivals
  • Vagina: the most powerful multi-function tool a woman can use to get anything she wants because it makes her think she is entitled to get profiles with no responsibility
  • Men friend: an asexual slave creature who women gather for favors, entertainment and free stuff. Someone who a female feels no sexual attraction to
  • Woman: a perfect angel sent from heaven who is blameless, pure, delicate, gracious and free from any guilt and a victim of men
  • Government: a biased institution which pampers and cuddles to women. For example: female-friendly laws, “yes means yes“, equality, etc.


Now after you start to understand a woman and get closer from her, you should make sure you know what is the right way to say things in order to keep her happy:

Dangerous Safer Ultra Safe
What’s for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner?
Are you wearing that? You sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you!
What are you so worked out about? Could we be overreacting? Here’s my paycheck
Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
What did you do all day? I hope you didn’t overdo it today! I always loved you in that robe!


You might also like:

 

Posted on

The keyboard with the “damn it!” key!

That’s a keyboard I saw in my colleague’s office. Note the white “Damn it” key. I can imagine when all fails and you cannot find the bug / give up, you just press this magic button! 🙂


You might also like:

Posted on

Guiding Hands

That’s a really funny and sarcastic video showing how much attached we are now to our smartphones. This video really makes sense! 🙂

You might also like: